[ He thought he'd die, when he found out. Like he'd been falling for so long, he'd forgotten that one day he'd hit the ground and break worse than he'd ever thought possible. He wasn't supposed to outlive Dean, not in his world at least.
Yet here he is, utterly helpless to do anything about it. The beast lies dead where Dean fell, the news has been delivered to everyone Cas can think of who matters to Dean here in this dark, cruel place, and all that is left is uttery agony.
This isn't how it was supposed to be. He was supposed to die and never come back, the last thing he could give up for Dean's cause, and then nothing but darkness after. No peace, perhaps, but no pain either.
And now he's here, hapless and hopeless, and worse for wear than ever. He has nothing he can put up against this plays, and already feels like it's going to hollow him out, carve a space into him that won't stop hurting. ]
I thought I'd beg you to stop it. Just put me under, just for a night.
[ He's not sure he'll last the night, fresh in his grief and in his first tears, fresh in an ache he doesn't know how to handle, no grace to cling to as protection from the turmoil. He's a leaf in the wind, and getting torn to shreds.
If he has to stay awake, alone, with nothing but alcohol and pills and the jagged edges of his own broken body and mind, he's not sure what will happen - just that he might not be there when Dean wakes up. ]
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[ He thought he'd die, when he found out. Like he'd been falling for so long, he'd forgotten that one day he'd hit the ground and break worse than he'd ever thought possible. He wasn't supposed to outlive Dean, not in his world at least.
Yet here he is, utterly helpless to do anything about it. The beast lies dead where Dean fell, the news has been delivered to everyone Cas can think of who matters to Dean here in this dark, cruel place, and all that is left is uttery agony.
This isn't how it was supposed to be. He was supposed to die and never come back, the last thing he could give up for Dean's cause, and then nothing but darkness after. No peace, perhaps, but no pain either.
And now he's here, hapless and hopeless, and worse for wear than ever. He has nothing he can put up against this plays, and already feels like it's going to hollow him out, carve a space into him that won't stop hurting. ]
I thought I'd beg you to stop it. Just put me under, just for a night.
[ He's not sure he'll last the night, fresh in his grief and in his first tears, fresh in an ache he doesn't know how to handle, no grace to cling to as protection from the turmoil. He's a leaf in the wind, and getting torn to shreds.
If he has to stay awake, alone, with nothing but alcohol and pills and the jagged edges of his own broken body and mind, he's not sure what will happen - just that he might not be there when Dean wakes up. ]