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heraldingangel) wrote2019-02-10 10:45 am
heraldingangel) wrote2019-02-10 10:45 amEntry tags:
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deerington
Prayer: Cas can hear prayers from anywhere. Feel free to call on him anytime and he'll show up.
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heraldingangel) wrote2019-02-10 10:45 am
deerington
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[ A thought strikes him then, the same one he turned over when Sam first disappeared. Did Dean go back to his world? Is this what he wanted to tell him? If he knew that much then he must have survived past his encounter with Lucifer. Was he brought back then? His thoughts spiral into different threads, weaving new possibilities. All it in the span of time between the first news and the last.
A full stop. All those threads come crashing into each other in a tangled web before another takes center stage. A commotion in the silence. A line cast out into the ocean for an angel he wished to hear from again. So, when he felt a shift in the open waters, he acted on instinct. After months of silence, hope reignited, burning brightly, and he called out to him letting his feelings push him into action. ]
Dean. [ He says gravely. ] You said angels closed the doors to Heaven in your world.
[ Meaning any angel residing on Earth would have been cut off from the Host. The moment the doors closed what once was a choir would have ceased letting silence reign in its stead. The pieces start falling into place and he steps back aware of his own folly. In his haste, he'd pressed on that connection without a second thought. It never occurred to him his greeting might be unwanted, more akin to an intrusion. Now, the barbed rejection made sense. A realization he could have drawn sooner if he'd faced it in the first place instead of letting his rattled emotions take reign. ]
I think I made a mistake.
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Thinking about the fact that he arrived here knowing he'd sent Cas to his death, walking straight into the past angel version of that person had been met with anger because allowing himself to process it any other way would have meant delving into all his failures. And somehow, despite all the crap he's thrown at the Cas standing in front of him, they aren't at odds anymore. They're not best friends either but Dean realizes it's way more than he figured would be possible or something he wanted after those first few meetings.
He shakes his head, leveling Cas with a messy kind of expression that looks uncomfortable, lost and a little empathetic. Who knew he still had empathy to draw on either? ]
He told me what happened. And I told him you're here. I'm not the guy to give advice on--
[ He gestures, like he's searching for the right word and considering how bad their conversations have gone in the past, he feels like he usually doesn't pick the right ones. ]
Look, man. All I'm sayin' is I thought you should know. He knows too. And in some ways you couldn't be more goddamn different. But in other ways you're the same. I have no idea what he's gonna say to you, but just uh--
[ He pauses, frowning, words a broken path of him clumsily trying to get to what it is he's trying to say here. It's been a long time since he offered some kind of support beyond just being a leader to troops. How exactly this Cas is going to view the broken Cas that just showed up? He has no idea. He can't even say this to that broken version from his world because they're just not at a place where conversations are anything but traded barbs and a murky history. ]
He never left. You never left. Even though you should have.
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Advice on what?
[ His tone is heavy but passive, not pushing but emphasizing his need to know. A contradiction of wanting to know but trying to keep the boundaries he never quite seemed to see.
This Dean, at least, drew that line in the sand the first time they met greeting him with a stonewall. No need to guess their standing. Even he understood banishment. That ceaseless feeling ailing inside reaching for a severed connection no longer there to touch on.
Subtle sabotage.
Still, he was grateful for the reprieve of another blundered introduction. For the knowledge of knowing exactly where he stood.
He misses that.
Dean keeps going, explaining himself in a way he never did before. The fact that this side of him only came about after he lost his memories unsettles him. Leaves him guessing who Dean sees when he looks at him. He or Constantine. The personality that took over when he had no memories to cast a shadow on their interactions.
At his side, his fingers flex into a ball no longer passive the longer Dean keeps meandering around the point. All he needs to know is what's wrong, so he can fix it. ]
Dean. [ He finally cuts in. ] What are you trying to tell me?
[ He wants that back. The line in the sand so he knows what is real and what isn't. So he doesn't have to guess at meanings he has no hope of understanding. A laughable thought, to think a celestial being with all the knowledge at his possession could be so easily overwhelmed by a listless soul. ]
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[ Some conversations he's just not got the shape of yet, hasn't got into the groove to smooth things over in a way that other people seem to be able to in one breath. Maybe once he would have known how to charm his way through to a conclusion that isn't ten parts awkward to one part I'd like to go now.
Shaking his head he's saved by the emergence of some of his.... well, he guesses they're colleagues now and that's weird enough to think about all on its own. ]
Just thought you should know there's another you runnin' around and knowing him? You'll probably hear from him soon.
[ Lame explanation. He shifts his weight and starts to make moves to leave. ]
I gotta go. But Cas? Be careful, man.
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Why are you... telling me instead of him?
[ Apprehension seeps into the cracks of his unease. Did he mess up that badly? Why else would he avoid himself? If it were him, he'd be the first person to seek out after checking up on Dean, of course. So, why the silence?
Swallowing his agitation, he nods stiffly, fingers flexing at his sides. He knows that line. How many times has he heard it before? ]
Of course. I'll just... [ he looks around, eyes finally darting to the unfamiliar faces. ] Be careful.
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[ There's other reasons too. Like maybe Dean thought it was better coming from him, to soften the blow, or something, rather than the two of them meeting face to face without any kind of precursor.
He doesn't say any of that, just starts stepping backwards to join the FEAR operatives getting themselves set up. ]
See ya around, Cas.
[ And with that he turns away, leaves the angel with those last words before getting down the business with the rest of the team. ]