heraldingangel | Inbox for deerington

[ A... nephilim. But how? They weren't... You're my Father. Chaos reigns inside him, his thoughts stuttering to a stop. ]

Where are you?

In my room. In the hotel.

[and for good measure, there's a prayer sent through. a careful "castiel" said into the empty space around him. he has no idea if this hotel will keep him from hearing it or not. but, well... he can hope]

[ The prayer hums through him and he follows it back to its source. The sound of dozens of voices whispering in an ancient tongue heralds his arrival, they crescendo to a higher octave rising higher and higher before the wind picks up the sound vanishing without a trace when he appears a few paces from Jack. He stares at him from across the room, his eyes looking past his vessel into something deeper. ]

... You have a soul. [ And yet, he could clearly see his - ] And grace.

[the moment that castiel arrives, jack is back on his feet again. but he has to force himself not to act on his first instinct. not to close the space to initiate the hug he wants most. castiel had never taken the first step, before. so he doubts he'd be particularly accepting of it now.

so instead, jack just gives him an open and honest smile, relief clearly present in the way his shoulda finally intense themselves. having castiel right there is enough.]

Because I'm half human, and half angel. You were...helping me learn how to be both.

[ The words catch him off guard, and his eyes blink back away from the depths of his being to focus on his face. His mouth thins into a grim line. There's too much here he doesn't understand. Too much that seems impossible and yet, he can't deny the facts. He's a Nephilim. But... was he his... ]

You said I protected your mother. Kelly Kline. [ The name sounds foreign to him still, yet he lingers on it, giving it more thought. ] From what or who?

From...everyone.

[which is technically true. even though now, after having met sam and dean, he knows he should have trusted them too. knows that, regardless of the outcome, they would've tried to do the right thing. maybe if he had trusted them, they would've found a way to save his mom too.]

Angels tried to kill my mom. But...there was a demon. You stopped her, and you kept us safe.

[there's an urge to call on his guide. to try and find some kind of comfort where he'd usually turn to the angel in front of him. especially in light of the admission he knows he needs to make next.]

I chose you to be my father because I trust you. But...Lucifer- He's my birth father. You protected us from him.

[ Time marks the distance between them making it impossible to view those words through any other lens than the one he resides in. 2010. After stopping the Apocalypse. ]

Nephilims aren't supposed to exist. The angels... they follow orders. [ A narrative starts to emerge and his eyes drift to the side while he rearranges the puzzle pieces to build a picture of a future that's come crashing to his doorstep. ] Heaven must have ordered your death. I [ he stops, eyes shifting to Jack ] ... I must have stood against them.

[ His throat moves, swallowing any misgivings about his role in Jack's conception. He doesn't know what to think about it. He knew he was picking up on human habits but this? It leaves him floundering, the feeling embedding itself between his ribs until the mention of a certain archangel startles him back to the present. ]

Lucifer?

[ He whispers, eyes widening, disbelief clear in his gaze. Castiel learned to love humanity, but Lucifer? He abhorred God's favorite creation. Why would he... Nothing made sense again. ]

Lucifer is your father? [ He says aloud, and it sounds even more ridiculous than it did in his head. ] He fell in love with a human? Kelly Kline?

[ Because of course, that's how he'd think about it. ]

Edited 2021-01-17 19:45 (UTC)

[the first part he's already lived through, first hand. the angels already made it clear what they plan on doing to him. and while their blade hadn't been able to do him any damage, jack knows it's only a matter of time before they try again. and the next time, he knows they'll be better prepared. he can only hope that sam and dean aren't caught in the crossfire.]

Lucifer didn't care about my mom.

[that part he knows for sure. if he had, he would've been there. would have been the one to protect his mom instead. wouldn't have tried to reach out to him in the way he did]

I...don't know why he made me. But I don't care. He's not my real father, and he never will be.

[that role will always firmly sit on castiel's shoulders, dead or alive]

[ There's far too much to unpack there. Lucifer created Jack? For what purpose? Dread rings inside him making his grace hum with mistrust. ]

You rejected your Father?

[ The idea sounds like blasphemy considering their family line but it makes sense. Lucifer was no role model. He was a child. Selfish. Petty. And dangerous. If Jack was his son he could become a weapon of great calamity. But having spoken to him, he doesn't believe it. ]

You said I was teaching you.

[ He flounders for stable ground. Something he can hold onto that makes sense. ]

Why do you want to learn?

Lucifer isn't family. You are, and Sam is.

[this was so much easier the first time round. with castiel already aware of who he was, and sam there to fill in the gaps for him. as grateful as he is that sam isn't trapped in this town anymore, he really does wish he was here to deal with all this.]

I want to be good. You were helping me learn how.

[how to be the complete opposite of what everybody seemed to think he would be. how to be the person that his mom wanted. that she believed he could be. she might not be around to see him do it, but that doesn't mean he's ready to give up. he wants to make his real family proud.]

I've...hurt people. I don't want to do that again.

[ Being called family. Father. It throws open doors no angel was supposed to step past. It makes him hesitant, grace churning inside him at the possibilities ahead. It felt not unlike the time in the green room when Dean pushed him past another door he wasn't supposed to step through. There was no one pushing him this time though. Yet, he stepped forward on his own. ]

I'll teach you.

[ He finds himself saying letting his feelings guide him. He decided on this course once already. A future him, but still him. Trusting in himself, he takes the plunge. ]

If that's what you want.

Edited 2021-01-17 22:16 (UTC)

[he's silent, at first, not expecting that answer. sure, he may be telling the truth. but castiel doesn't have any reason to believe him. to trust him. and yet, for some reason, he seems to be. and that-

that means everything to him.

which is why his restraint breaks so easily. why, instead of simply accepting the offer with a smile, jack ends up stepping forward. ends up wrapping his arms around castiel in search for the hug he's been missing out on for weeks now. he has no idea how welcome the contact will be. but he isn't thinking that far ahead just now.]

You don't have to do anything for me. I just... I like spending time with you.

[ It's not Jack he trusts, he doesn't know him, but himself. His judgment. The fact that he doesn't hide his association with Lucifer earns him a point of respect. The second comes when Jack rejects Lucifer despite their association. It means he thinks for himself and isn't that what he meant to go back to Heaven for? To help the angels rebuild but also to remove the leash of obedience.

That doesn't mean it sits well with him. It's hard to accept all that he's heard so far, but there's nothing to be gained by holding his ground. He may not know the reason why he protected Jack's mother and started training him, but he trusts that given all the facts, he made the right choice. So, he adapts. Changes tactics.

Still, that doesn't prepare him for the way Jack moves forward as if to engage him. In what, he has no idea. His brows furrow, mouth turning down, unsure what the youth means to do. Was this an attack? His eyes flick to his hand but finds no angel blade there, and before he can question him Castiel is pulled into a.... hug? He stiffens, back and arms going ramrod stiff, a bewildered look clouding his features. Was this their greeting? Cupids said hello in a similar fashion, but did Nephilims do the same thing?! ]

Uhh....

[ He doesn't move, simply endures it, unsure what he expects from him. ]

I suppose we'll be spending more time together from now on.

Edited 2021-01-18 21:56 (UTC)

[the one-sided hug is even more of an indication of just how far apart the two of them are. sure, castiel may not have been the most enthusiastic recipient of a hug. but he'd still responded each time. had still returned the hug, even briefly. it was always more than this.

that castiel doesn't return the hug only has jack's hold tightening. at least at first. just long enough to remind himself that, memories or not, this is still castiel, and that should be enough. it's more than he'll ever get, back home.]

I'd like that. I...want us to be friends.

[which is why he finally forces himself to step back again, despite that loss of warmth leaving a heavy feeling in his chest. castiel is still here, still alive. and that's what he needs to focus on.]

[ The distance between them stretches over years. All those little moments that once bound them are gone. Erased. Instead of the welcoming father figure he'd once aspired to, Castiel now views him as a raw recruit.

It's a testament to how far he's come that he doesn't reject the hug or break it off. But neither does he welcome it, not yet. Jack is a stranger. A Nephilim. Lucifer's son. By all rights, he should not let him live, and yet his thoughts never go in that direction. He's killed too many of his brethren already. All in self-defense, yet they weigh heavy on him.

Once he's released, a tenuous feeling slides through him unsure what to make of Jack, but one thing is for certain, he'll do his best to mentor him so long as he's willing. ]

.... Friends.

[ He tests out the word, curiosity sneaking up on him as his eyes linger on Jack. It's not what he expected to hear, but then, none of what he's said so far has been. ]

I'm not opposed to it.

Edited 2021-01-20 05:26 (UTC)

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