heraldingangel | Inbox for deerington

Nothing new.

I just wanted to check in on you. He wasn't just my brother. He was your friend, too.

[ The word 'friend' rings in his ears blighting out the small connection that held him after watching Sam put a bullet through his head. The ache that follows is short-lived drowned out by acceptance. A friend. He nods to himself letting go of the notion of family that fluttered through him every night since it happened. ]

He is my friend.

[ He amends. ]

How is he?

Edited 2021-04-27 02:17 (UTC)

That's what I meant. Yeah.

[ he didn't mean to diminish anything Cas is feeling. Dean isn't good at this, not anymore - talking about things, exposing his feelings. He wasn't great at it to begin with, but before, he used to be able to at least get it out to Sam, admit when he was wrong. Apologize.

It seems like every time he interacts with Cas, he messes it up without realizing.

He just shouldn't have said anything, left it alone. His heart hurts and he misses his broken Cas and he feels--

alone. ]

He isn't back yet.

look, i wont take up much of your time. i just wanted to check in on you. see if you were okay, if any of us can be okay.

apologize for being a dick, before.

that's all.

[ he's having a very...vulnerable moment and he's glad this is over text, because there's some undefinable emotion bubbling up inside him that's threatening to make him cry like a baby. son of a bitch. ]

i wont bother you.

Edited 2021-04-27 02:33 (UTC)

[ An ache rises from between his ribs and he hunches forward, setting his weight on his elbows. He stares at the ground taking a moment to pull back from yesterday's memories. ]

He'll be back soon.

[ Reassurance. One he finds solace in too. If he took Sam's absence this badly, he can't imagine what Dean must be going through. He's watched over the brothers so long now, he feels a kinship to them.

Attachment.

It makes him waver. Falter when he should act. It's how Lucifer trapped him. A simple deception but one he had no way to defend against because despite the distance between them Castiel is tethered to their fates. ]

Time is all I have.

[ The distance between them. Eons. This time with them feels like a momentary breath. One he wants to hold onto as long as he can before the sands of time erode them leaving only a distant memory of the lives he once touched. ]

You've never been an inconvenience to me.

Either of you.

Don't worry about me. I'll be here when you need me.

yeah, i know. that's what people keep saying. death isn't permanent, yadda yadda.

[ He still saw what he saw, he still has to deal with that, recover if possible.

Dean isn't sure he can. It's burned in his memory, like cigarette burns on fabric. ]

Course I'm gonna worry about you. [ He's not the busted version of Cas from home, but an untainted version, one that finished what Dean had tried (and failed) to do.

A friend. Family. ]

i know it's weird here with all these duplicates running around, but we're still all family. right? why don't you come over, i'll pour you one.

Edited 2021-04-28 16:29 (UTC)

[ His eyebrows rise and his head tilts slightly in thought, but rather than the response Dean expects large and black wings unfurl behind him.

Even with his soul hidden from him finding Dean isn't difficult in a limited space like Deerington. In a blink of an eye, he's searched through the usual areas and within a few moments, he locates his target appearing behind him in a rush of wind and slew of rising whispers that herald his arrival. ]

Actually. [ He says from behind him. ] I find you all rather fascinating. I can distinguish each of you without a problem.

[ A pause, then: ] It's your soul.

[ He looks at him meaningfully. ]

I see you. Not your vessel, but the part of you that can't be duplicated.

[ The part of him that would remain even when his time on earth ended. The real him. The one Castiel first encountered down in Hell raw and broken. ]

Edited 2021-05-04 03:57 (UTC)

[ Dean isn't a hard man to find in Deerington. As things continue to crumble, he tends to stick to his cabin, used to solitude and loneliness, sitting alone in the quiet and contemplating his mistakes, the soft knock of glass on wood when the drink is finished.

He's standing over his kitchenette now, fluid on the counter as he gets another glass down to pour them both a few fingers worth. He doesn't know if Cas will want it, but he's gonna pour it anyway. It's all so fresh, and Sam isn't back yet (won't be, til the 17th, not that Dean has any awareness of that), so Dean's been spending most of his time on the streets, killing every evil thing in sight. Cas will find him pretty blood splattered, but at least his face is clean.

Cas speaks and Dean jumps, because Cas hasn't just shown up like that in a while, and he has to take a minute to calm his slamming heartbeat. ]

Dammit, Cas. [ Exhaaaale, in and out. ]

You can tell us apart by our souls? [ He offers the angel the glass, brow furrowed. ] Scared to ask what mine looks like.

He doesn't flinch at the exclamation all too used to it. Behind him, invisible wings fold back into place.

Yes. [ He answers matter-of-factly as if he didn't just appear out of nowhere. ] It's in the details. No one soul is the same. Every action adds to the whole. Considering how your timeline split not too long ago from the Dean I know. You're similar but different.

[ It's the best explanation he can offer without going into the details. Taking the offered glass from Dean, Castiel tips it back without hesitation swallowing it in one gulp. The liquid tastes like individual molecules and does little to him in his current state. When he's done, he steps past Dean to set the glass back on the counter upside down like how Ellen and Jo once showed him. ]

Yours? [ A tilt of his head. ] Do you want me to describe it?

[ He asks looking a little too closely at him, seeing past flesh and bone to what lies beyond human sight. ]

[ His brows lift as he watches Cas toss it back like a fruity shooter at a sorority party. Well. Alright then. ]

Um. [ He absently rubs at his chest, near his heart, shifting awkwardly back and forth between his feet. ]

Sure. Why not.

[ He doesn't take his eyes off of him, though in truth, he's not looking at him anymore. Not his vessel at least. Blue eyes shimmer with power as they pierce through the veil seeing past the folds of space and time where his soul lies separate, burning brightly like a beacon in the dark. ]

You are like a collapsed star, small and compact, spinning wildly under extreme duress far outshining the giants that surround you. Intense. You attract large masses of power. But you are also slowing.

[ No longer so wild, so intense like the Dean he knows. ]

And I don't know why. You are still a beacon in the dark. Beautiful. It almost seems inevitable that we would gravitate towards you.

[ He blinks, his eyes losing their luster as he comes back to himself to stare at the pale imitation that was his vessel. ]

Despite what you may think, your impact is undeniable.

Edited 2021-05-05 01:50 (UTC)

Slowing, huh.

[ Dying inside, maybe. He's never had the pleasure of having Famine tell him just precisely how dead inside he is, but if the Horseman ever got a gander at this Dean...

Oh, the things he'd say.

Dean swallows, watching Cas carefully, how his eyes go bright with power and God it wrings something ugly out in him. All this power, this beauty, and it's been stamped out of the Cas he knows, like a candle snuffed out, an angel fallen.

He swallows thickly, and has to look away, the guilt washing over him in thick, drowning waves. ]

Yeah, uh-- [ his laugh is strained, weak, raw. ] I'd say so.

[ Dean kicked off the apocalypse, breaking the first seal. He has screwed up over, and over, and over, fucking over so many people. Dean would agree at this point - his impact is definitely undeniable. ]

[ A quiet nod at the assessment. ]

Compared to the Dean I know, yes.

[ He tells him, seeing no reason to hide it. He knows what happened in his world. How Lucifer took over. He can guess what happened after, but it's only a guess garnered from the differences he sees between the Dean that survived the Apocalpyse and the one who was swallowed up by it. ]

I don't know... how souls work. I only know what I see.

[ It was half the beauty of them. The unknown. Something all the equations of the universe could not predict. Their free will to act on the accumulation of all that they've experienced. ]

Well. [ He finally says, tipping his glass back and turning to pour another set for the two of them because fuck it, Sam's dead and Dean wants nothing more than to join him. ]

Sure doesn't sound good. But what do I know, really. [ Very little, in the grand scheme of things. Dean offers Cas the refilled glass before he leans against the counter, feeling and looking defeated, exhausted, emotionally spent. ]

Thanks for comin', by the way.

Inbox for deerington

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